Ben Quayle gives all wildly under-qualified children of national jokes a bad name. (Jenna Bush is all, “Seriously, dude?”) Politics aside, if you’re going to make the opening line, “Barack Obama is the worst president in history,” you could stand to deliver it with some balls, not like you were dragged out of bed and can still taste the Jager on your breath from the previous night. Where’s the spirit in your empty statement that you clearly don’t believe? And then the rest of it feels like the first draft was something like, “Someone’s got to go to Washington and knock the hell out of the place… seriously, someone’s gotta do that. You losers figure it out. Meantime, I’m gonna get fucked up. See ya’ll at Spearment Rhino. Lates.” Also, when he says, “I love Arizona. I was raised right,” you’d think he was implying that he was raised right… in Arizona? Do I have to point out he wasn’t? He also wasn’t raised right in Hawaii. Which is in the Pacific, the part of the United States that is an island that is right here. Never forget.